I rotated diets like some women rotate through lovers.
It was a cycle that began at age 10 and by the time I was 15, I was borderline anorexic. Over the course 25+ years of dieting, I cumulatively gained and lost hundreds of pounds.
This cycle of dieting-losing-eating-regaining the weight lasted for decades.
From eating five pounds of meat a day on Protein Power to counting points on Weight Watchers, it was a never-ending quest for the Holy Grail of the scale.
Years of dieting left me denying my true hunger and left me stuck in the paradigm that if I lost weight then everything in my life would work.
The truth is, what weighed me down the most was that I was always waiting.
I thought I had to put my life on hold for some perfect day in the future when I lost the weight...and then I could finally be happy.
Most of all, years of dieting and looking outside myself left me completely unable to identify my real hunger. And utterly confused about what, when, and how to nourish myself.
There’s a saying that, “God throws a pebble and then God throws a brick.”
Well, my brick came and it hurt. Bad. After years of dieting and years of endurance sports (including triathlons, marathons, and cycling), I ended up sidelined with a serious back injury.
This injury was my wake-up call. I started getting curious: what was I really trying to starve, pound, and pummel?
Over the next decade, I began exploring the other side of food. I embarked on an inward journey, which included diving headfirst into the world of Dynamic Food Psychology, studying energy clearing through the chakras, and using a host of modalities. This included everything from Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and meditating to journaling, practicing yoga, and Nia dance.
I became a certified energy practitioner and a certified food psychology coach.
With all this knowledge, I knew what to do.
But I still struggled with overeating and overdrinking.
I still struggled with shame, self-doubt, and perfectionism.
I still struggled to live on purpose.
In summer 2017, another brick arrived. This time I got the message: it was time to put feet to my prayers.
It was time to stop thinking about, talking about, and worrying about letting go of the weight (wait).
Because what I really wanted wasn't just to shed 30 pounds (which I've easily done and will show you how, too).
It wasn’t just to finally finish the novel I’d been working on for years (which I released earlier this year).
What I really wanted was to gain new life.
And that is why I'm here.
I'm here because I know how exhausting, frustrating, shameful, sad, and downright infuriating it is to know how to let go of the weight (wait)...and still be unable to make lasting change.
I'm here because for too long we've been told it's impossible to let go of the weight (wait) and live our best lives after 40.
I'm here because we deserve more.
And so do our daughters, granddaughters, nieces, and all the other women who come after us.
I'm here because I see the light in you just waiting to break free.
Cover Photo by Joni Lorraine